I don’t care what those Staples commercials say; back-to-school is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. All that homework business and the paper-bag lunches can’t be good for a growing teen. Then again, after watching Heath Ledger bust a move mid-soccer practice does make you yearn for the blackboard, varsity jackets, and those mini pizzas they make in the school caf on Tuesdays…if only just a little.
The film genre of high school movies – though largely existing in the 90s – is full of horror tales that’ll make you wanna drop out and swear off plaid minis + knee-highs for the rest of your life. Every once in a while though, you’ll come across a film that actually, kinda, just maybe, makes you wanna hit the books. PLUS, In the true spirit of back-to-schoolism, there’s a lesson to be learned from every one of them. Filled with plenty of “whatever happened to so-and-so” moments, here’s our countdown of 12 high school movies that actually make us wantto go back-to-school. Mean Girls not being one of them for obvious reasons…
1. 10 Things I Hate About You
Where Joseph Gordon-Levitt first began his saga of roles as a love-struck puppy. Julia Styles was just a just a bean-pole teen waiting for her Save the Last Dance fame when she hit the big screen as the all-American high school outcast. Heath Ledger’s touching karoke performance is the 90s version of the Say Anything boombox scene, setting the bar high for aspiring romantics.
Lesson Learned: There’s a difference between “like” and “love”. For example, I “like” my Sketchers but I “love” my Prada backpack. Also, love is worth learning French for.
2. John Tucker Must Die
Source: IMDB
The film that taught us that regardless of your social clique, four girls from different groups can, in fact, have something in common. In this case, that thing is JOHN TUCKER – the name who single-highhandedly gave red lacy things a whoooole new meaning.
Lesson Learned: Estrogen pills make for the most humorous revenge.
3. Bad Teacher
Source: IMDB
J.T. has quite the history of driving girls cray…and Cameron Diaz is certainty no exception to the rule. Her character in Bad Teacher, Elizabeth Halsey, goes to great lengths to gather funds for a boob job in hopes of winning his affections. A car wash, banished recess, and some violent dodge balls are thrown into the dangerous mix from the least qualified teacher since Mr. Shneebly.
Lesson Learned: If you walk into class on the first day of school and Cameron Diaz is your teach, transfer ASAP (Rocky)!
4. Drive Me Crazy
That time that Ali Larter had pink hair, and long before Adrian Grenier had his own entourage, Sabrina the Teenage Witch cast a spell on his beating heart. It’s the ultimate girl next door/high-school makeover story set to the soundtrack of 90’s Britney.
Lesson Learned: Make-overs are fun.
5. Never Been Kissed
Source: IMDB
Drew Barrymore returns to high school as an undercover cop, determined to spend less time stuffed into lockers this time around. Note to self: Must replicate every outfit in this film, STAT!
Lesson Learned: High school is sweeter the second time around, even if your name was Josie Grosie.
Also, putting on a sparkly bikini and flower tiara and calling yourself to Malibu Barbie is a totally legitimate Halloween costume for a highschhol senior (not to be confused with disco Barbie, guys.)
6. Sugar & Spice
Source: IMDB
Contrary to popular belief, cheerleading CAN be applied to real life scenarios. For example, you may have to do an illegal dismount to disconnect a security camera in the process of robbing a bank to steal money to help your fellow cheerleader pay for her under-aged marriage to the captain of the football team. #cheerproblems
Lesson Learned: Never underestimate chicks in skirts.
7. Rushmore
Source: IMDB
Rushmore Academy’s worst student seems like the least qualified person to teach us a lesson. However, there’s one thing his misfortunes have taught us for sure. No matter how passionate you are about it, you just can’t stay in high school forever. ~_~
Lesson Learned: Teachers are off limits, so don’t mess with Bill Murray. Also, bee keeping makes for an exciting after-school extra-curricular!!
8. Clueless
As if you’ll participate in gym class or take the school bus over your 1994 Jeep Wrangler. Being Clueless isn’t just about being a student, it’s about being a style-icon, a ruthless debater, and a good friend to the new girl on the block. Everyone is invited to the fashion show that is back-to-school shopping. After all, It does NOT say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!
Lesson Learned: When your grades are falling, there are plenty of more 90201-esque alternatives to studying. Argue your grades like a lawyer, play the crimson wave card, and if all else fails, go cupid on your teachers a$$es.
9. Jawbreaker
The original “mean girls” gone homicidal, Jaw Breaks takes the race for prom queen to a whole other level. Regan High’s teen dream is the only things between Queen B Courtney and the crown. She’s been called the devil in heels, but in this case, the Devil wears pink.
Lesson Learned: Beware of the Prom Queen.
10. She’s All That
Source: IMDB
Firstly (and clearly most importantly), take a look at that falafel hat!!^ Secondly, let’s appreciate the 90s romcom king at the height of his career. She’s All That follows the story of the uber popular jock (Freddie Prince Jr.) and his accidental love (Rachael Leigh Cook) in a coming-of-the-age, geek-turned-goddess story. Includes guest appearances by that girl from Fly Away Home and… Usher, is that you?) Like all fairytale high school stories, She’s All That ends at the prom with a sentimental moment deserving of a thousand “awweee”s.
Cue “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None The Richer.
Lesson Learned: Usher can act.
11. School of Rock
Source: IMDB
The guy that taught us to slap it, shoot it, and kaboot it will forever go down in rock ‘n roll history. We salute you!
Lesson Learned: “You’re The Man” it NOT a complement.
12. Dazed & Confused
WARNING: beware of the seniors.
Lesson Learned: If all else fails, at least you have the summer vacation to look forward to…